Guns and Cars: I am a dude...and apparently, so is Sarah.

Bro Post #2 (Heh.)

It has once again become the time for the male portion of this little female-driven utopia in England to make itself heard.

There are many things that I like about England. That being said, I miss America. I like baseball games, real Mountain Dew, stores that are open past six pm, gyms with weights listed in pounds, having a freezer (I know that has nothing to do with location), and I miss guns and cars. I can't do much about most of the things on that list, but earlier this week I found something that I could do, an answer, if you will, filling the hole left by the last two.

And that answer was Fast 5.

Now I know what you're thinking, the first one was good, the second one didn't have Vin Diesel, no one saw the third one, and the fourth one killed off a main character in a crappy way in the first ten minutes of the movie--what have they got left?

More than I was expecting.

Much of this is thanks to the addition of Dwayne Johnson. Vin Diesel is a big man that makes me feel small, and I like to watch him punch people. I loved the idea of having the Rock, a bigger guy that makes Vin Diesel feel small who is better at punching people--and the mixture was like Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, just a little faster.

The second thing I liked: the rest of the cast. Paul Walker was in it, but I don't remember anything he does. Ludacris was in it and he plays, as many rappers do, a convincing geek. There were two hispanic guys who were hilarious.

The third thing: the mother of all toilet bombs. Awesome.

The fourth thing: guns. Many British and American citizens can't understand why I love guns. My educated, thought out response to that inquiry is: I just do. Leave me alone. Guns show character in movies, and they give insight.

Dirty Harry has a Super Blackhawk.

Han Solo has a low-slung holster for his blaster.

The Joker used a ridiculously long revolver.

The T-800 uses a mini-gun, and a grenade launcher, and shotgun, and a .45.

The characters in movies are sometimes mismatched to their guns, and when this happens the movie makes me sad. This movie does an excellent job of pairing weapon to character. Walker gets a little cop gun, Diesel uses a combat shotgun, and the Rock has a pistol, on a low-slung holster, that wouldn't fit in the hand of a smaller man. I like guns.

The most important thing in this movie: the cars.

Living in England is beautiful. But I miss having a car. I like to go to Albertson's at 12:30 to get ice cream and something from the redbox that I will not watch until it is three days past due. I like doing that. I like driving with no particular place to go whilst listening to Chuck Berry's "No Particular Place to Go," because I like the irony. I just love my car (this is not in reference to a specific, or as Tara would say "pacific" car, I just miss all of them). Fast 5 is not going to be an Oscar (little trademark sign) contender, it's not going to be somebody, it's going to be a bum.

And that's ok, because it has guns and pretty cars. The first Fast movie had one real car in it, and the producers must have listened to their audience for once because Fast 5 has mostly real cars. The '70 Charger, GT40, '71 (eat it Dada) Hemi 'Cuda, and the most beautiful Corvette I have ever seen.

Yes, there are boy racers, but these are easily counter-acted by the Rock's Batmobile.

This is why I liked this "not as bad as I was expecting...actually it was really good" movie.

I am an American Bro.

This is what I am.