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| Canterbury Cathedral, where our graduation ceremony will take place this summer. |
This term, Kathleen and I are taking the same two academic modules: Poetry One and Revisioning: Translation in the 21st Century. Both are creative writing classes. We particularly enjoy our translation class; there are only six students (three of whom are proper grown-ups), we sit around a big round conference table in a nice windowy room, and the two professors (a reserved Englishman who translates Catullus and an exuberant American woman who favors Chinese poetry) offer a nice balance of perspective and experience. Translation theory itself has a long history of complex, fascinating debates over the proper juggling of accuracy, artistry, mechanics, and ethical concerns.
For my term project, I have chosen to translate some of the poems of Elvia Ardelani. Here's the poem that got me hooked (it's untitled, as far as I can tell; her book, hasn't arrived yet so I'm relying on random internet sources):
compañero
amor
multiplica los panes del deseo en la penumbra
y pártelos
con tus dedos lavados en la blanda herida
del migajón multiplicado en el milagro
amor
multiplica los panes del deseo en la penumbra
y pártelos
con tus dedos lavados en la blanda herida
del migajón multiplicado en el milagro
_
y como al mar ve abriéndome a tu paso
ve escindiendo las aguas ve dividiendo peces
y ese fondo implacable que sólo tú conoces
ese mundo de origen que guardo imperturbable
ve escindiendo las aguas ve dividiendo peces
y ese fondo implacable que sólo tú conoces
ese mundo de origen que guardo imperturbable
_
hasta que tú me encuentres
hasta que tú te inclines a este calor de mesa
a esta oscuridad habitada del vientre
y comerás del pan sentado junto al fuego
y vencerás las sombras con la hogaza que tiembla
y habrás cerrado el mar
compañero
amor
hasta que tú te inclines a este calor de mesa
a esta oscuridad habitada del vientre
y comerás del pan sentado junto al fuego
y vencerás las sombras con la hogaza que tiembla
y habrás cerrado el mar
compañero
amor
And here's my translation-in-progress of it:
The Spanish word for bread is pan
companion
love
multiply the loaves of desire in the dim light
and cut them
with your fingers washed in the tender gash
of bread loam to be miracle-multiplied
_
and like the sea see me opening up to your step
see splitting waters see dividing fish
and that implacable source that only you know
that original world that I keep imperturbable
_
until you find me
until you incline to the heat of this table
to the darkness lodged in this belly
and you will eat of the bread sitting by the fire
and withstand the shadows with a big round bread that trembles
until you have closed the sea
companion
love
I LOVE THIS POEM.
ReplyDeleteHere's a thought I had while reading it and your translation. (I'm offering unsolicited advice/homework assistance, but as a fellow poet who also speaks Spanish and who loves the idea of translating Spanish poetry, I can't help myself.) There's a lot of religious imagery within this poem, and I wonder if "ve escindiendo las aguas, ve dividiendo peces" might be more directly translated to "See parting waters, see dividing fishes" to kind of allude to the Biblical images attached there. I like the idea of "Biblical language." Along those same lines, perhaps there's more room for play with the line "ese mundo de origen que guardo imperturbable." I like the idea of saying "that first word that I keep imperturbable."
I also don't like the word "belly" but can't think of an apt synonym/replacement. "Womb" is not what the poet SAID, but I like it better than "stomach" or "abdomen" or "belly." I leave that debacle up to you...I am no match for it.
Do you have a copy/have access to a copy of "The Captain's Verses" by Pablo Neruda? If you can get your hands on that collection, preferably in Spanish with the translation by Donald D. Walsh, I think that would be a GREAT resource. The few times I've written poetry in Spanish, I use that book a lot, just to help me understand the "music" of Spanish poetry, and how it translates.
I love you. I long for the day when we shall sit side by side with books of poetry.
proper grown ups! are you refering to yourself and your roommate? or the teachers and someone else? if so, does that mean you are not a proper grown up?
ReplyDeleteThat is stunning! Please post your next draft. I would love to continue reading the poem.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the poems. I would like to hear more about the class(es). How do you feel writing translations is sharpening your poetic skill? Do you workshop the poems? How is that? I have been posting regularly to scottsamuelson.blogspot. I love "Silly Pilgrims" and have read everything. Am attempting to comment more. I endorse Liz's insightful comments on the translation. Adele's Right as Rain--yes.
ReplyDelete